a God given talent - SMOKING WEED
God gave each one of us a talent that some have failed to utilize, but instead you keep misusing your life in the names of having talent. We know you can one day force and perfect a skill to look like a talent but don’t lie us that you’re talented especially these frogs behind our hill who smoke weed and burn the hill every evening in the names of been rasta chicken, rasta goat, rasta money, rasta pig and even rasta house etc etc – just be careful, the names are their specialties of life. Watch out for your chickens, pigs, goat’s money and keep your doors properly locked.
In my neighborhood for the past 30 years, boys now men have been learning how to sing. Every evening the climb the hill for rehearsals, they carry a pot of fire after 30 minutes you will really see the whole hill on fire. As been children those days, I didn’t know that a hill can burn until these boy-men started their music career behind our house. One day I saw the smoke coming from the hill, I ran to the market shouting “mami mami mami mami, the hill is on fire, the smoke is coming to our house” surely the wind was blowing all the smoke inside our house. Oh! What a wasteful kid I was, I pity my mother for believing me for the first time, cause all they knew was, everything that came out my toungue was a lie. Without saying a single word, my mother left all the customers she had plus a few colleagues in the market, took off to our house.
On the way, they kept ululating about how Okucia Anna’s house is on fire “wululululu, come we rescue Okucia’s house, let’s go rescue her” The ran so hard like a Deer running for its life from a Cheetah, after 5 minutes, they reached our home, and the community kept pouring in to help. The house was indeed full of smoke but there was no fire. The ran in to removed everything from the house and threw it in the compound but there was still no source of the fire. After 30 minutes of removing things from our house, someone thought and whispered it out “They went to a witch doctor and didn’t pay his money” We all heard it but they thought the witch doctor might be on revenge mission. This spread a quick propaganda in the community about how we are trying to get rich by trying to kill the whole community.
In no time, two third of the members who had came for the rescue mission disappeared in thin air, I heard they said anyone who is within this home will die too. Anyway, after five more minutes of searching tireless by a brave broker man said, he had noticed a rear smell “something is smelling familiar to me, it smells like burnt rose flowers” people are like “What is this, we don’t have rose here” little did I know that, the smoke was making people high. Their reactions and actions changed - I saw an old man come out of the house and said “wagan rasta people, we theya hot burn rasta people down” and he jumped off into the duck pool.
The women from the market, the one who usually sit next to my mother, I noticed she was looking upside down, actually she was walking using her hands. She attempted to greet me using her legs, when I refused to shake her feet, I got the first ever leg slap of my life straight into my face – its ugly slapping someone with the feet – you know with her rough cracked feet, I got scratch marks on my face which looked like a foot with gigger. I even saw our dog flaw up on the roof and began making weird sounds like a chicken, somehow it sounded like a goat but not a goat, I see it transforming like a duck or cat then it spoke exactly like a human being.
Till this moment, no one actually clicked what was happening, until I saw the broker man swimming with the ducks as well as acting like Chucknoris and pretending to be the head of the ducks. The effect of the smoke was not even spearing children, I saw some baby jump off from her mother’s back straight on the roof shouting like Jack Chan then diving straight into the duck swimming pool. Then all of a sudden, our neighbor came running and yelling “preeeeeeeee papapapa prreeeee ruuuuuuu” I didn’t know what she was saying after a long thought I heard something like “run” some people took off for sure.
She was pointing up in the sky, yes up in the sky over our house– the smoke made sky to look so close to our roof. With the smoke, you could not see beyond our roof, the hill was all swallowed in the smoke. We began hearing base – musically base booming from the sky. It was so loud that we though all the frogs in the river are on strike. When we thought we are seeing angels my auntie was again saying some off like, “we are officially cursed by the gods of the river, they can sing like frogs” but this lady kept shouting and pointing above our house in the sky telling us to run, yet she wasn’t taking any steps to run but just nodding the head like a green blue monitor lizard.
Same features in the smoke began appearing faintly, we began seeing human like creatures talking and singing in a frog voice. After one hour, the smoke had fairly cleared in people’s heads and we saw Guma Kukumva Rasta CC, Chikichiki Weeeeeee Raaaaa Kuku Chicken Dead and his brother doing their music rehaersals. Probably you don’t know who these boys are? If there was an award for the dullest dumb idiotic failed artist of all time, it could actually go to these boys – they call themselves the Bangifire Chicken Crew. We were all out of words but the way people ran up hill to grab these boys was like releasing chicken out in the morning from their house. Everyone was like, “lets run for their heads”
It’s in the Guinness book of records of Kukukuku Village that three boys smoked weed in the names of rehearsing music that made the whole village mad for 40 minutes. The previous record was held by Weed4fun Highbury Music Camp, a group of five boys who smoked behind the king’s palace, making the royal dog run mad and killing 8 pigs, 104 palace workers including the king were drawn in this ganja smoke. Its also in the record books that after smoking weed, 03 frogs (Bangifire Chicken Crew members) transformed into vocalists attempting to sing in human voice. Till today, our village has broken records over records due to smoking week. it has produced only zero hit song successful played on any Radio in the region the only thing they play on the radio is a vibrating frog voices and dog barks for comedy.
The Bangifire Chicken Crew died a death that evening, the community members throw them from up hill straight to the duck swimming pool. Before they landed in the pool, Jack Chan had applied the snake in the monkey shadow style 15 times. They swallowed 5 buckets of duck water before resurrecting to their senses with a commando fist from John Rambo. The Broker man gave Kukumva Rasta CC a slap which spinned him five times before throwing him back in to the pool. Amidst all the slaps, blows and kicks Chikichiki Weeeeeee Raaaaa Kuku Chicken Dead’s brother was like “Bro, I got it maaan, am stealing this duck” in no time, he was pocketing a duck and hiding one under his arm pit. The other was like, this swimming pool is mine, “Why are they giving them lots of free things to steal ya”
After receiving 30 strokes of the cane, they promised never to do weed again. They moved our property back inside before they were set free. As we talk now, they are moving down hill singing “Koko chicken dead”, I see Kumakumva Rasta CC acting like the lead vocalist, singing “We you see me” the rest respond “Koko chicken dead” Kukumva Rasta CC continues “weed is our food” fades down hill “Koko chicken dead” Weed is a real God given talent, smoke it to see light out of your head. God even planted it for us to enjoy it in Eden, He should have removed snake. Bangifire Chicken Crew, Bangifire Chicken Crew walai Bangifire Chicken Crew drunk the whole village in weed smoke.
By the way I too became an artist 21 years later thinking that I won’t make a career through Education - I hit the studio, produced 5 songs. Till today, its only me and the Producer who listened to the powerful hit songs. We still awaiting Sony Music to take over the music label. Let me enjoy my life - "Brenda bring me some Uganda Waragi", "Yes the Big One and light up my weed, I have Money"
Lakini!!!?
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